I know I told you last week that my Hello Fall series would begin today, but that was until I realized that this Friday marks 2 months with my sweet baby boy, Ben, and, that I’ve officially reached the end of my maternity leave. So, it’s a little bit of the perfect storm today and I’m feeling ALL THE FEELS. Instead, I want to do a catch up post and share what life has been like the past couple months. (Next week, Hello Fall for real!)
I was going through every picture on my phone the other night. It’s funny, no matter how tired I am in the morning, some nights I just can’t get myself to turn off and fall asleep. My mental to-do list plays on repeat and my mind races—did I do enough today? Maybe I should have read to the baby? Did I forget to read to him? Because, I said yesterday that I was going to read to him. Did we do tummy time? I think we did. We’re definitely doing tummy time tomorrow. And we’re going on a walk. A long one. I’m not afraid to admit that there’s a learning curve to motherhood, and I’m not sure if I’ve caught on just yet. I’m trying though. And it’s definitely getting easier. I think?
So, anyhow, back to the pictures on my phone. As I scrolled through 17,612 photos (that’s not an exaggerated number—that’s how many pictures I have on my phone. It’s a real problem), I eventually found myself back in July, before Ben arrived, very pregnant and nervous about impending parenthood. How was that only two months ago? I know in the big scheme of things two months is a short amount of time, but so much has happened in those two months that I can’t help but feel like that pregnant me, in those pictures, is so far away now. It’s almost like on July 31st my life got split into two separate parts—my life before baby and my life with Ben. And two months in, I’m having trouble remembering what that other life was like. One thing I’m pretty certain of, that me was well-rested and probably smelled much better than this me. I think most new moms would agree once the baby arrives, everything else gets a little unbalanced. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself though. I’m trying to allow myself to enjoy this time—even if it means that I still haven’t sent out his birth announcements nor thank you notes from my baby showers.
Because on the other hand, I feel like it’s all flying by too fast. When I look at pictures of Ben at the hospital and I see how much he’s changed and grown already, I feel a little sad that that time is gone. He’ll never be that tiny again! (Insert ugly cry face) Am I crazy? Can I still blame it on hormones? Okay good. Especially lately, as I mentally prepare to go back to work and try to visualize what life will be like as a working mom, I’m trying to soak up every minute—because I can’t help but feel like it’s all about to change yet again.
Since having Ben, I think about and see the world differently. Everything seems exponentially more important than it did before—what I eat, what he’ll eat, how I treat people, how people treat one another, the current state of the world, recycling, this election. The list goes on and on. I feel this immense responsibility to protect this perfect, little person. It’s enough to stress you out a little. So, the past few months, in order to stay sane, I’ve celebrated the little things—reading a few pages of a book, putting on mascara, finding time to blog each week, getting out of the apartment, managing to have a cup of coffee while Ben naps, showering.
Ben is the sweetest baby. (Doesn’t every mom think that though?) He gives me the biggest smiles in the morning—which makes the fact that we haven’t slept through the night yet, much more bearable. It could just be the milk he likes, but I’ll take it. He loves to “talk.” This month he’s started making so many new sounds. He’s much more alert and makes eye contact when you talk to him. His neck strength and control has really improved. And, at the risk of sounding crazy, I swear that lately he’s started “kissing” me. When I hold him up so we’re face to face, he’ll rub his mouth back and forth along my cheek. I get that this probably means he’s hungry, but I’m calling it a kiss. Just let me have this.
Happy 2 months baby Ben!
See you next Friday! xx, Devon